So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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