I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize