So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
