Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
