i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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