i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
