the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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