Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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