If that was your dad, he is hot
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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