they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize