I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
