Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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