What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just had sex on a roof
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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