So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize