A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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