I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It was confusing and full of hummus
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Text me some of your sweat
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
