Ketchup is God's man juice
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
