you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize