just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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