and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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