Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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