Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize