He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Randomize
