Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
