Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
