who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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