i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
