I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
