The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
porn star boner night. come get it.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
