i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
