I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
