i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
