he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
