He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
