I feel great
I just peed on a car
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
