Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize