I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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