Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize