Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
