jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize