What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
