Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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