You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
