I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
