I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
