Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
