My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
