Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
