I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
