its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
