Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
