Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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