I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
