On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
