the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
