She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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