im drinking this country out of the recession.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
