My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Randomize
