So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
