This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
