omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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