we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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