I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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