I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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