woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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