I wish I could punch you in the face.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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