Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
