Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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