btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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