i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
